


Not This Time

by DearMissV



Category: Bodyguard (TV 2018)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Drama & Romance, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, F/M, Julia Montague Lives, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:07:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22426042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DearMissV/pseuds/DearMissV
Summary: “David was ordered to spy on you Ma’am.”After the explosion at St. Matthew’s, Julia learns what David’s been up to in the last few months... and takes matters into her own hands
Relationships: David Budd/Julia Montague
Comments: 101
Kudos: 190





	1. Chapter 1

“How could you? I loved you.”

It was only a whisper, but it carried across the room. A whisper only meant for his ears, as the others continued to argue next to them. He wished more than anything that they could be alone, that they could be anywhere but where they currently were. Maybe then she would yell, scream or cry; anything was better than the glazed over, dead look in her eyes. But that was her wasn’t it? Always calm and composed even in the face of crisis. It was a crisis, even if only he felt it. It seemed as if his world was falling apart. Or maybe it was crashing and burning? Either way it wasn’t good. After everything, this meeting would be what tore them apart. Not the shooting, or the explosion, but a single sentence.

“David was ordered to spy on you Ma’am.”

What followed was a lengthy and heated discussion about their next move. David sat through it all and listened to them decide his future. Julia didn’t say much, she left that up to Roger and Sampson. He tried to catch her eye, as if giving her a pleading, apologetic look would make it all better and convince her that he loved her too, despite everything. But she was avoiding him completely. He didn’t know how she did it, he was seated directly opposite her. It was cruel really, like Sampson and Penhaligon planned it to be that way, just to teach him a lesson, as if to say ‘you can look but you can’t touch,’... at least not any more.

The breakdown of their relationship was all his fault. He’d gotten lazy, comfortable, and had left the listening devices out on the bed. Not even that, it was his fault for agreeing to spy anyway. She deserved more than that. Sampson and Roger were still bickering in the background but stopped suddenly to look at him.

“Well David, what do you think?” Sampson prompted.

“About what Ma’am?”

Roger scoffed as he sat back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest. “You really are stupid aren’t you plod?” He turned to Julia, who was sitting next to him. “I knew your standards were low but this is embarrassing. Don’t you have any self-respect?” Julia didn’t reply, just kept her eyes staring pointedly at a spot on the wall. Roger shifted his attention back to David, “you’re to keep your job, you’ll be on probation and reassigned to another MP of my choosing,” then after soaring a glance at Sampson and in a tone laden with sarcasm he drawled, “apparently you’re too good of an officer to let go, much as I would like to.”

David was stunned. Walking in to this meeting he had fully expected to get fired at least. But he could keep his job, and continue to pay child support and pay his bill, he wasn’t about to complain. He must have taken to long to reply because Roger leaned forward and brought his face as close as possible, “you should be tripping over yourself to thank me plod,” he growled. “You ungrateful little shit, you think you’ve somehow come out on top haven’t you? I’ll make sure to make your life a living hell. You don’t get to fuck the Home Secretary and endanger lives with your lust fuelled incompetence and get away with it.”

“That’s enough Roger.”

It was Julia. For some reason she chose then to speak up. David wasn’t sure if it was in defence of him or out of her distaste for Roger talking about her sex life. Either way he was glad she said something at all. But she sounded fragile even if she didn’t look it.

“I think it’s best if we end this meeting here,” Sampson stood then and straightened her jacket. She shook Roger’s hand, nodded to David and bid Julia goodbye.

A brief, awkward silence followed her departure. Roger grunted and stood too. “I’ll have my secretary call when I’ve got everything arranged. You’ll just have to sit and wait until then.” He walked towards the door and said over his shoulder, “it’s time to go now Julia.” Julia hesitated, and stared at David as if begging him to say something. Say this wasn’t happening, that it was all a lie and they could go home together. But he didn’t. And she hesitated too long because Roger’s voice sounded across the room as he barked, “Julia! We’re leaving now!”

David watched as her eyes hardened. Not at Roger, but at him. He’d disappointed her, betrayed her even. She had every right to be angry with him. David knew her well enough by now to tell she was angry even if she didn’t say anything. He saw it in the way she tore her jacket off the back of the chair, in the sound of her heels hitting the floor with a hurried, weighted thud. These were small tells, but David was all too aware of them.

Before parting, Roger smirked at him and said in a voice that was all too smug, “I think it goes without saying that you two are finished.”

They left him alone in that room. The silence was oppressive, especially after Sampson’s and Roger’s bickering. He didn’t like it, it gave him too much room to think. He’d done the wrong thing by not telling her about the spying. He knew that. But he couldn’t convince himself that agreeing to spy, although reluctantly, was the wrong thing to do. He had wanted to protect his family. Craddock and Sampson hadn’t been able to promise they could continue to do that if they didn’t have information about Julia’s business. So he agreed. He agreed to do something that compromised his morals. After all, sometimes good people do bad things. At the time he thought it was the one way to protect those he loved. He thought it was the lesser of two evils. But he was wrong.

He supposed he was lucky to keep his job if nothing else. He’d take what he could get. No doubt Roger would assign him to some ultra-conservative MP who he had nothing in common with, and maybe that was for the best. He’d keep his head down and do his job. No distractions. Not this time.   
  


* * *

Julia was reeling. She and David had been hauled into the office at an ungodly time that morning, she thought another terrorist attack was in the making, but instead it turned out to be a completely different kind of attack. She hadn’t expected any of what they’d told her. And she hadn’t wanted to believe it. That was until she saw the look in his eyes, and his near complete silence. So she sat stewing in the back of the car.

Roger was sitting next to her with a smug smile on his face. In truth that just made her angrier. How dare he be happy while her world was falling apart? On second thought, she supposed that’s why he was happy. She’d been knocked down a peg or two and he was the one to deliver the blow.

The longer the journey went on the longer she spent ruminating on David, her now ex-lover. The one who didn’t even have the balls to half-heartedly mutter an apology. Her anger had well and truly settled in by now. She could feel it in the pit of her stomach, churning away. And in the back of her mind a single line repeated itself over and over in her head.

_How dare he?_

Well... she’d show him. She’d learned her lesson, she’d not make the same mistake. Not this time.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just remember that everything turns out okay in the end. I promise. 
> 
> Thanks to sunnyamazing and madamehomesecretary for their help!

Roger sat in his living room with his phone to his ear, waiting impatiently for the phone on the other end to pick up. He figured he’d put Budd out of his misery sooner rather than later, a rare display of kindness. He waited and waited and yet heard nothing but the dial tone. Of course, he shouldn’t have expected Budd to have the decency to pick up.

His thoughts turned to the events of the day. All in all successful if a little burdensome. His driver was supposed to drop him home first and then drive Julia to her flat, but right at the last minute she decided she needed the bathroom. He heard a faint rattling sound coming from the bathroom. Julia. They’d spent almost the entire day together. Most regrettable really. But there had been no avoiding it. There’d been cabinet meetings and an altogether too long a stop by Parliament. It was all a part of his plan though. He needed her to know about Budd so she could pull herself back in line, figure out where her loyalties truly lie; with him, with the Prime Minister, with the party. Not with some labor loving Scotsman. With that in mind he arranged it so that there was an entire overhaul of her staff, right down to her driver. Just eliminating any further risk of a security breach, he’d told her. Naturally finding suitable candidates who were sympathetic to conservative values would take some time, so he offered her a ride. He was willing to suffer for the cause.

A pity that she went for Budd. He and Julia were happily divorced but there was no denying she was still an attractive woman. He’d had fun in the early years of their marriage, both in her bed and in others. He’d grown tired of her though. She’d grown too big for her boots; the fact she had an affair with Budd and thought she could get away with it was evidence of that.

* * *

Julia was in the bathroom trying to steady her breathing. A potent mixture of fury and anxiety caused her heart to beat rapidly in her chest. She had spent the entire ride here flipping between going ahead with it and forgetting all about it. Will she? Won’t she? She almost wished coming to a conclusion was as easy as that silly childhood thing they used to do. As if plucking a flower, and pulling off its petals while asking those same two questions until one petal was left, would solve it.

_Will she? Won’t she? He loves me. He loves me not... He loves me not_

She had to constantly remind herself in the hours since the meeting that David clearly didn’t love her. At least not in the way she loved him. Didn’t love her enough to tell her the truth. Didn’t love her enough to have to common decency to not spy. Didn’t love her enough to fight for her. He cared, but obviously not enough nor in the right way. And that’s what hurt the most.

It was a rare case of extreme pettiness that placed her in her ex-husband’s bathroom. Julia knew enough about David to know that he hated Roger and everything he stood for. The fact was she wanted to hurt David as much as he hurt her. He would never find out about this, but at least she’d know she’d won. She wasn’t proud of herself. She knew this was a pathetic, low thing to do. But there was more to it than mere pettiness. David has ignited something in her that made her feel alive again. He’d made her feel sexy, and wanted, and... seen. In discovering about the lies there was the risk of that being stripped away from her. She’d go back to being the harsh, cold Home Secretary. Julia wasn’t sure if she ever wanted to go back to that. She wondered if sleeping with her ex-husband in order to preserve a sense of sensuality was selfish. Actually no doubt all her reasons for thinking g of sleeping with Roger were selfish. But she figured that she gave so much of herself to her job and therefore to the country at large, that she deserved to be a little bit selfish now and again.

Letting out a shuddered breath she closed her eyes and began. With shaking hands she reached up and undid the first few buttons of her silk blouse. A suggestive glimpse of her black lace bra showed. She’d chosen her underwear carefully that morning. David had promised to take her to bed the moment they got home. At the time she thought he was trying to sweeten the deal by promising her a big reward for going into the office on a weekend. Now though she wasn’t quite sure, maybe he knew all along what the meeting was about and wanted to soften the blow with a guarantee of sex later to make it up to her. He’d been way off the mark if he thought she’d forgive something that big that easily. Next she ruffled her hair, hoping for a sexy, dishevelled, ‘please fuck me’ look. Looking at herself in the mirror she thought she managed to look vaguely seductive, but she still felt awkward. Again she couldn’t help but think of David. She had never had to put even this much effort into getting g him to sleep with her. He’d always just taken her as she was and she had loved him for it. But then she was immediately reminded as to why she was even here in the first place; he had spied on her, and had probably thought that sleeping with her was the easiest way to gain her trust. The bastard. If nothing else that last thought spurred her on. Opening the bathroom door she stepped out into the hallway and went to find Roger.

She found him eventually, sitting in the living room toying with his phone. She hesitated just before coming around the corner. Her conscience making her pause. She was about to do something monumental, it wouldn’t do to rush on and not think it through properly. Julia was not usually one for indecision. This would hurt David absolutely. But then he’d hurt her too. It was tit for tat as far as she was concerned. Besides, right here and now, she wanted to sleep with Roger. She needed to sleep with Roger to convince herself she was worth male attention outside of political gain. She’d sleep with Roger and do so on her own terms and for her own personal, emotional gain. Julia didn’t think she’d regret it. So, she ran a hand through her hair one final time, and rounded the corner.

He looked up and their eyes met from opposite sides of the room. Julia watched as his eyes dropped to take her in and as a smirk crept onto his face. Meeting her gaze again he jeered, “look at yourself. Could you be anymore desperate?”

Julia tried not to think about that comment too much. Instead her lifted her chin and oh so slowly started to unbutton the rest of her blouse. She shrugged it off and then reached behind her back to unclasp her bra. She eased the straps down her arms before dropping the scrap of lace by her feet. Looking at him in the eye she said huskily, “fuck me please Roger. You used to enjoy it.”

The offer must have been tempting enough because Roger was on his feet and standing in front of her before she could say another word. She stopped him by placing a hand on his chest. “I have one condition.”

”Of course you do,” he huffed.

”You can’t kiss me on the lips. Anywhere else is fine, just not there.”

”Fine.”  
  


* * *

Roger didn’t hurt her, but neither did he pleasure her. In truth, he probably used Julia just as much as she used him. Their coupling was a bit tougher than she remembered it ever being during their marriage. Both taking as much as possible and giving very little. It suited Julia just fine. Sure she would have enjoyed the moment more if Roger could make her feel something, but she reasoned that in the long run that would only hurt her more. She wanted, if not needed, this to come with no strings attached. Over complicating everything with emotions and passion got her in trouble last time. That’s why she came to Roger. He’d do the job, and maybe she’d pay for it later at work, but at least she wouldn’t have to carry around the memory of David on her skin any longer. She needed to get rid of it in a way that was more than just soap and water. She needed to forget.

Not that she was having much luck in forgetting. Through the duration of their marriage, Roger had never been any good at knowing how to get her off. Before stepping out of the bathroom earlier, she had hoped with time Roger had gotten better. She was sorely disappointed. Everything he didn’t do reminded her of David. Roger respected her one condition but took it too far. He didn’t kiss her at all, anywhere. And she couldn’t help but think that that was the first thing David always made sure to do. He’d taken the time to learn where and how she liked to be touched, and then touched those places with enthusiasm. Here and now she was missing even the simplest of things. She wanted Roger to kiss her neck, and he wouldn’t. David always did, almost straight off the bat. He’d done it often enough that she knew the route he’d take. He would start at her lips, before trailing kisses along her jaw to where it meets her ear. He’d nibble her earlobe before whispering in her ear all the things he was about to do to her. The kisses would start again, just in that little indentation behind her ear, before moving south, along her neck. He’d kiss, and nibble, and lick his way down and along her collarbone and down to her chest before paying some much needed attention to her breasts. And he’d stay there a while, taking his sweet time, never in a rush. Eventually he’d make his way down her stomach. He’d play with her. He’d get to her hip bone and pause before looking up at her. He’d smirk... and start from the beginning. It left her begging for more, whatever ‘more’ was. It left her wondering if he ever would kiss, and nibble and lick right. there. Where she wanted it most. He’d conditioned her to think that he’d do it eventually, after a couple of trips down her torso and more often than not she took this time to relax and settle in. So when he’d do it the first time around, she was always surprised; she enjoyed those times the most.

But Roger didn’t bother doing any of that. He’d just told her to strip off and lay on the bed. He’d done the same and then started finding his own pleasure. It was almost sterile. It was so far removed from all of her recent sexual experiences it made her start to question things. Why had she married Roger if the sex was this bad? Had she been right to ask Roger to sleep with her? She’d noticed David giving her importing looks throughout the meeting this morning. He looked like he wanted to tell her something, but what was it? What could be so important that it would change the outcome of that meeting? Did he love her after all? Last night she would have almost put money on David loving her. But after today... she wasn’t so sure anymore. All she knew was that she was furious, and devastated, and confused.

Before long Rogers’ phone buzzed on the bedside table, it’s screen lit up and the caller identified. Julia turned her head to see. It was David. Without thinking she reached for the phone. Before all of this she had always talked to David at any given opportunity, always hungry to hear his voice. It would seem her brain temporarily forgot that they were no longer on speaking terms. Her hand was mid air when Roger grabbed it. “No,” he gasped roughly. Treading his fingers through hers he pressed their joined hands into the mattress as he continued to thrust. Julia wrenched her hand away. It was too much, holding hands was _their_ thing, their signal that everything was okay between them. She should have added ‘no hand holding’ to her conditions. Julia returned her attention to the phone. It was still buzzing, David was clearly willing to wait a long time. Julia felt Roger change the tempo above her, his thrusts getting harder and more erratic. She lay there and felt nothing, not even the faintest stirring of passion. She just went through the motions while she watched the phone a little longer. It was as if the universe was telling her something. ‘You’ve made your bed now lie in it’ sprung to mind, because just as Roger started coming, David hang up. The timing of it felt like a sign, though she wasn’t entirely sure of what. So she lay there, in an unfamiliar bed with her ex-husband’s sweaty body on top of her as he caught his breath. A single lonely tear made its way down Julia’s cheek. It was done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments and kudos make my day!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Ally and Laura for their help with this chapter! You're both legends ☺️
> 
> Hope you all enjoy!

Julia had never been so disgusted in herself. Roger had rolled off her immediately and was snoring in her ear. Meanwhile Julia was trying to swallow down the bile that was rising in her throat. How could she? What was she thinking? And with Roger of all people? She stared at the ceiling a while longer. How had it all come to this? Did she really have so little self-respect as to go crawling back to Roger and practically begging him to take her? Given the current circumstances it would certainly seem so.

She looked over at Roger sleeping on the pillow next to her. The house was quiet and dark, only the light of the street outside providing a small amount of visibility. He continued to snore, and drool had begun to make its way down his chin. She was repulsed. In him and herself. Julia gently peeled the sheet back, careful not to wake him. Sliding out of bed she fumbled in the dark for her clothes.

Trousers... check.  
Blouse... check.  
Underwear... check.  
Heels... check.  
Bra... nowhere to be seen. Crap.

Desperately trying to stay quiet and hoping Roger wouldn’t wake up, she searched the room. Nothing. Julia could have screamed. This was punishment, she was sure of it. She’d have to go without it. She couldn’t stand being here any longer.

She got dressed and collected her bag all the while praying that Roger wouldn’t say anything to anyone. She knew he hated her, and usually that caused significant tension, but maybe it could work to her advantage just this once. Maybe he wouldn’t say anything for fear of being connected to her publicly. Her fingers were definitely crossed.

* * *

It was the early hours of the morning by the time she got home. Immediately she ran a bath and stripped off. The water was piping hot when she got in. For all it was uncomfortable she didn’t mind it. David would have. He always had something to say about how hot she ran the water. “You’ll be red as a lobster when you get out,” he’d chide before getting in himself. But he wasn’t here now, so she was left to wipe away her sins by herself. Scrub away her sins more like it. Roger had always had a habit for wearing far too much cologne, and now she was covered in it. She needed to get rid of it, she didn’t need a physical reminder of what she’d done.

She stepped out of the bath eventually, looking as red as David predicted and yet somehow, she felt cold and empty. She was exhausted. Emotionally and physically. She needed to go to bed.

But there more than anything she felt David’s’ absence. It’s where they spent most of their time after all. Sighing, Julia slid in. She tried to get comfortable, but she just ended up tossing and turning. It was getting ridiculous. Slightly embarrassed by what she was doing she grabbed the pillows from the other side of the bed and rearranged them, so they ran down the length of the bed. Not quite the same as cosying up next to David but it would have to do. Amongst other things that’s what he’d done, turned her into a cuddler.

She tried to clear her mind. Tried not to get caught up in her anger and devastation, but it didn’t quite work. A stray tear made its way down her cheek. Then one turned into two, and two to three, then four and more.

And to think she thought they could have been happy together.  
  


* * *

David was not best pleased. Actually, he couldn’t remember the last time he was pleased; or he could but didn’t want to. It hurt too much. Being with _her. Remembering... her_. A few weeks had passed since the meeting. That first night was difficult. But actually, the days were the worst. Seeing her day in and day out and not being able to do anything about it. He’d been assigned to Roger, and he was sure the bastard booked more meetings with Julia for the sole purpose of torturing him. She wouldn’t look at him or speak to him or even acknowledge his existence. He may as well have been a ghost.

Rumour had it that Julia was a harder taskmaster than usual. “That time of the month,” staff would whisper, “either that or she isn’t getting any.”

Was it bad of him to hope she wasn’t? Was it unfair to feel that if he couldn’t have her no one else could either? He wanted her to be happy, but more than that he wanted her to be happy with him. _He_ was the one who wanted to make her satisfied both in and out of bed, not some jumped up, posh Tory who was probably only using her anyway.

It was stupid to feel that way. She’d made it very clear that they had no future together. He still mourned the loss of Julia and what they had, but he started to heal, slowly but surely. He hadn’t started looking elsewhere per se, but he didn’t say no if a nice girl asked him out for a drink. He’d had a good time, and one or two asked him back to her place, but he couldn’t bring himself to. It felt too much like cheating. Which was ridiculous, because he wasn’t in a relationship anymore and Julia probably couldn’t care less who he slept with or what he did, but that didn’t mean the thought still didn’t feel wrong. He’d get over it eventually, he just needed some time.  
  


* * *

Roger was walking out of the House of Commons chamber when Julia walked up beside him. Both their PPOs were waiting at the opposite end of the hallway. She spoke through tight lips and kept her eyes forward, “you won’t tell anyone about what happened will you?” Roger didn’t know it but the issue had been weighing on her mind since that night. He scoffed, “of course not. Why would I admit to sleeping with you?”

“Well that’s good then.” He could hear the relief in her voice and noticed the way her posture changed. She’d been worried.

With a nasty glint in his eye he turned to her and said, “yes, it is,” before he turned and stalked towards David. Beckoning David to follow him and he walked towards his office, Roger spoke over his shoulder. “PS Budd I need you to do something for me.”

“Of course, Sir.”

Unlocking the door and going to his desk, Roger unlocked a drawer and told David to shut the door behind him. He took in the man standing to attention before him. He was about to destroy him. Reaching into the drawer he pulled out the item in question.

“I need you to deliver this for me. I believe you know the owner. Please tell her I had a wonderful time and am looking forward to a repeat performance.”

His heart shattered when he saw what Roger was holding. It was a bra. And Roger was right, he knew exactly who it belonged to. Julia had a knack for choosing underwear sets and this was from one of his favourites. She wore it often, because she knew he liked it.

He noticed Roger was watching him closely, so he swallowed and smiled tightly before muttering, “I’ll do that right away.” David stepped out of the office and learnt heavily against the wall. Angry and heartbroken tears were threatening to spill over, and he felt an urge to wail. He brought a fist to his mouth and bit down on a knuckle to suppress it. He took a shuddering breath and released it. He straightened his suit jacket and tie before shoving the bra into his pocket. He had to find Julia, she kept an office in Parliament as most MPs do, so it shouldn’t be too hard, especially as he knew she usually stayed back for a little while to get some work done away from the Home Office.

The bra just about burnt a hole through his pocket as he walked down the hallway and up a flight of stairs. His mind was going a million miles an hour coming up with all sorts of excuses. It might not even be Julia’s bra, no doubt there were hundreds of not thousands of women who bought the same set; maybe it was just all a coincidence and he’s jumping to the wrong conclusion. Or maybe it is Julia’s bra but it’s an old one that Roger’s found right at the back of his wardrobe from when he and Julia were married. And maybe she just bought the set again because she liked it, he knew Vicky used to do that when they were married. Roger was probably just being a dick about it and leading him on. That was most likely it, Julia wouldn’t actually sleep with him again... would she?

He came to her office door and he felt sick. He raised a hand and knocked on the door and waited. Her voice sounded from within, “come in.”

He opened the door and stood at the threshold. Julia looked calm as ever, though he didn’t miss the slight flicker of shock that ran through her eyes. “PS Budd,” she said by way of greeting.

“Ma’am. Mr Penhaligon asked me to deliver something for him.” His throat felt tight and his palms were sweating. He’d imagined that their reunion might have been happier, but instead he was playing messenger for another one of her affairs.

Julia raised a quizzical eyebrow. “And that is...?”

David took two steps into the room and withdrew the bra. Julia’s eyes snapped to it and she felt short of breath. “Close the door David.”

David did as he was asked and turned to face her. He held the bra out and said stoically, “he said to tell you that he had a great time and is looking forward to a repeat performance.” He made sure to keep eye contact with her. He wanted to gauge her reaction. What he got was not what he hoped for. Her eyes closed for a few brief seconds before she stood up, walked around the desk and took the offending item from his outstretched hands. She slumped against the desk then, her head in her hands. That was proof enough. There was no indignant denial or anything like that. He thought his heart shattered in Roger’s office, but here Julia may as well have ripped it out of his chest and stomped it into the ground.

In desperation, he pleaded, “say it’s not true. Please love.”

Her eyes flew back to him, this time furious. “Don’t call me that. You threw away that right,” she snapped.

David was in turmoil. He floundered for a second. Close to tears, he did the only thing he could think of, and stepped closer. Words failed him in that moment, so he did what felt natural for them. He wrapped one hand around the back of her head and tangled his fingers in her hair. The other hand found its way to her lower back. Drawing her closer again, he kissed her. Thoroughly and completely. Again, and again.

Julia stood frozen. She was so embarrassed and a touch ashamed. She had never meant for anyone to find out what she’d done, it was going to be her little secret. But now David knew. She’d destroyed him. Which is what she originally wanted, she remembered wanting to hurt him, so why did she feel so awful?

While her mind was preoccupied, her body took on a life of its own. Tentatively she responded to him. She let her lips move against his. Let her arms wrap around his shoulders before moving to untuck his shirt. She stroked whatever skin she could find there, only just skirting the edges of where she knew his scarring started. Somewhere deep inside, she registered that she’d missed this. Kissing and being held by David has always been comforting. Before she met him, she never really thought of herself as someone who needed comforting, and in the beginning, she’d resisted it, but now she wanted to run towards it. She wanted to run towards him.

He pushed her back so that she was lying on the desk. His hands went to her bum and squeezed gently. He pulled her closer so her hips met his, so she could feel everything. It was only when he started rocking against her that her mind and body caught up with each other.

She tore her lips away from his, “stop. David stop.”

He was lost in a fog so he only half registered what she meant. He stopped moving against her but continued kissing. He was like a man stranded in the desert seeing water for the first time, he just couldn’t stop. So, he kept kissing her.

Julia was torn. She needed him to stop so she could regain some control over the situation, but she wanted him to continue so she could get lost in that feeling of being wanted again.

She let him keep kissing her for a little while longer, reasoning a few more wouldn’t hurt. He moved from her lips and kissed the tip of her nose, her eyes, forehead before going back to her lips. Soon enough he started trailing kisses down her throat and across her collarbone before making his way back up the otherwise of her neck to where her ear meets her jaw. He stayed there, knowing that was a sensitive spot. He took the opportunity to whisper in her ear. He pleaded with her to say it wasn’t true, that she didn’t sleep with Roger. And that even if it was true, they could just forget everything and start over again. No secrets between them this time.

Julia saw red.

_”We can forget everything and start again.”_

Like hell they could.

She pushed him off of her and sat up. David looked dazed and confused.

“That would be convenient for you wouldn’t it?” she spat, “to forget everything?” Taking a steadying breath and steeling herself to deliver the final blow she said in a low voice, “why don’t we just face the facts PS Budd? You were only meant to be temporary.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are greatly appreciated!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter changes POVs a lot! So please be prepared for that. I’ve tried to make the changes as clear as possible. Happy reading!

Chanel Dyson had moved on from her days working for the Home Secretary. She’d found a job working for a backbencher not long after being thrown out of the Home Office. She was still bitter about it. She was good at her job, but Julia never let her prove it. That’s how she found herself prowling the hallways of Westminster, heading out to do a coffee run. 

She was walking towards the door to Julia’s parliamentary office and getting ready to flip the bird at it as she did every time she passed. Was that petty? Maybe. Did she feel better afterwards? Absolutely. 

She could hear voices coming from the inside and slowed down. She knew the second voice. The bodyguard, Sergeant Budd. Not wanting to be caught eavesdropping, she strolled passed, making sure to cast an eye around the inside of the office. What she saw made her smile smugly. What she’d seen could drive Julia Montague into the ground. And she knew just who could help her.  
______________________________________

“You don’t mean that. You told me you loved me.” David's heart was pounding and he could hear the blood rushing in his ears. It was like the world came to a halt. The air in her office still as they both tried to process what had happened, but more importantly what was said. 

“I was stupid to say that.” She said it was all the bravado he was used to seeing her wield in the Commons chamber. She tried staring him down for a moment, but her resolve crumbled. In a fragile voice David had never heard before she sighed, “It was just a silly infatuation. We were kidding ourselves for thinking otherwise.” She straightened then, tucking her shirt back in and finger combing her hair, taking that time to collect herself. The woman who looked back at him was The Right Honourable Julia Montague, not his lover. “I think it’s best you leave now.” 

David stumbled out of the office and into the hallway, blindly reaching for a wall to steady himself. He took a few gasping breaths and out his head in his palms in an effort to stop the tears that threatened to spill over. His chest hurt, like the air was being squeezed out of him. He had to go. Had to get out of here and as far away as possible. Just for a few hours. He stalked down the hallway back towards Penhaligon’s office. He’d ask one of the other officer’s to take over from him for the rest of the afternoon, and just say one of his kids had an emergency. He was halfway down the stairs when he ran into Kim. 

She took one look at him and knew something wasn’t right. 

She grabbed an arm and dragged him towards an unused room. Taking him but the shoulders, she steered him towards a chair and made him sit. After checking the hallway was clear, she closed the door and turned to him. “What happened Skip?” She crossed her arms and widened her stance, not having moved from the door. She wasn’t about to let anyone in or out until she got to the bottom of this. 

David bit his lip and wrung his hands, torn between telling Kim everything and telling her nothing. He opted for the latter and kept his silence, but it was a tortured silence. Julia’s words kept repeating over and over in his head, telling him he wasn’t good enough, that none of it had been real... that she didn’t love him. He took another shuddering breath, wishing that Kim would just leave so he could cry without her watching him and asking questions.

David underestimated her. 

Kim had long put two and two together. She had no concrete evidence, there was always a seed of doubt. Never quite sure if she had seen or heard correctly, but her suspicions were strong. She gathered her courage, and prepared herself to be wrong and risk offending David. 

She took a few quiet steps forward and crouched before David’s hunched form. She tried to meet his eyes, but they were directed at his feet. Laying a hand in his shoulder she asked in a gentle, low voice, “is it something to do with you and Lavender, Skip?” 

She felt David jolt before she saw it. He sat bolt straight, his fists were clenched and his eyes were wide. She watched as a flicker of terror crossed this eyes and disappeared before he cleared his throat and said in a level voice, “no, Lavender and I are fine. Why do you ask?” 

Kim wasn’t going to play that game. 

She sighed and pulled up a chair next to him. “Look Skip, I have ears. There were times when I was guarding the door at the Blackwood and I thought I heard something.” She looked at him again, a brow raised. His eyes shuddered closed and he released a deep breath before he leant back in his chair. So it was true. “You’re lucky it was just me on those nights,” she continued, “you both sounded like you were having a good time.” 

He angled his body towards hers. “Kim you can’t say anything. It’ll ruin both of us,” he begged. 

Kim held up her hand, having already made up her mind. “If I was going to tell someone I would have already. Can you do me a favour though?” 

David nodded in relief, “of course, thank you.” 

“Would you fix whatever is going on? She’s been a nightmare to work with recently. And keep this quiet yeah? I don’t want to see you lose your job because you had a few quick shags with the wrong person.”

“It meant more than just a few quick shags Kim. But I’ll try my best. I’d like nothing more.”  
_____________________________________

Julia stood and watched as David left the room. Still as a statue, not wavering the slightest lest he look back. Eventually the door slammed shut behind him and she heard his uneven, heavy footsteps as he made his way down the hall. She slumped against the desk then, disturbing the piles of reports that lay there. She’d fought so hard to be strong while talking to David, and now all that strength had left her. Her hands shook slightly and her breath came out in sobs. 

_“You were only meant to be temporary.”_

_“It was just a silly infatuation.”_

She wanted to believe that, _had_ to believe that. She didn’t know how she would manage otherwise.

It was easier this way. She’d cut her loses and move on. 

She traced her lips with a finger, they were still tingling faintly from that last kiss. They’d been separated for only a small amount of time but she’d forgotten just how good it felt to be kissed by David Budd. To be held by him, to get lost in that feeling. It still hurt though, the memory of what he’d done. Just a little. Just enough to make her want to chase after him and demand an explanation, or another kiss, or both. Just to put her tumultuous mind at ease. 

But she wouldn’t. She couldn’t. It didn’t matter how much she wanted to. 

It was just an infatuation after all. Wasn’t it?  
______________________________________

It took her a little while to find who she was looking for, but when she did Chanel wasted no time. 

“I’m concerned for the Home Secretary.” That’s all she had to say, and he was falling over himself to find out more. She told him that he’d have to come with her as she got the coffee, and even got him to pay for it all. 

Rob had always been a pushover. 

“What do you mean you’re concerned for the Home Secretary?” 

“I think she’s sleeping with her bodyguard.” 

Rob choked on his coffee. “With Kim?” 

“No you idiot. With that Sergeant Budd.” 

That was it. That was all she had to say. Rob would do the rest.  
______________________________________

Rob did the only thing he could think of. He went straight to Roger Penhaligon. He was the Chief Whip after all. He’d know what to do. 

He explained everything. About what Chanel and seen and heard. Questioned why David Budd would be in possession of one of the Home Secretary’s bras if they weren’t sleeping together. 

Roger in turn asked questions. Why was he so concerned? Anger. Humiliation. Frustration at being overlooked. That’s what he wanted to say. “I’m concerned about how it would look for the party,” is what he actually said. 

If he had been watching closely he would have seen the grin that spread over Roger’s face. 

Roger carefully explained what he wanted him to do. Pre-warn the other members of the party, but do it subtly. Let them know of his suspicions so they may be prepared to answer any questions from the press should this get out. Roger assured him he’d do the rest, he’d just have to be patient. Rob trusted that Roger would do the right thing.  
______________________________________

It was only after Rob left the room that Roger picked up the phone and dialed the number. 

“Yes this is Roger Penhaligon. I have news of a scandal and I want you to be the ones to break it. It concerns Julia Montague. You’ll run the story when I tell you to or I will personally do you out of a job. Do you understand?”  
______________________________________

Julia spent the better part of the week preparing for the next session parliamentary question time. She was still trying to revive RIPA ‘18 and it was proving more difficult than before if that was possible. This was the last question time before RIPA ‘18 went to a vote, and so it was crucial that she appeared calm and on top of the facts. 

The day started out as any other. The Home Office was busy and so she hadn’t been around Westminster much. The staff at the office appeared chattier than normal, but she managed to block them out. The ability to focus on the task at hand had always been one of her better qualities. 

Even stepping out at the Houses of Parliament felt normal. People stared and whispered but they always did that, so she thought nothing of it. She was used to people talking about her and her politics. 

The bell signalling the start of the session sounded. She made her way in and sat on the front bench, right where she belonged. She rearranged her papers and took one last look over them, a last minute preparation. She’d get RIPA ‘18 through parliament today, she knew it. 

The speaker yelled for order and the chamber quietened down. She cast an eye over the members of her party, noticed that a few of them wriggled in their seats and refused to meet her eye. She did the same for the opposition, who sat there comfortably, some with a glint in their eye. An uneasy feeling settled in her belly but she shook it off. There was still some uncertainty surrounding the bill amongst the Conservatives and clearly Labour felt that they could use that to their advantage. It was fine, nothing she couldn’t handle. 

“Yes, the Right Honourable member for Surrey North, Roger Penhaligon, has a question,” the Speaker shouted. 

Julia watched as Roger stood and took his time buttoning his jacket. 

“Thank you Mr. Speaker. I would like to ask the Home Secretary if she has an answer for the rumours of sexual misconduct between herself and her former bodyguard?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are greatly appreciated!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thank you to Ally and Laura, as always for their help! 
> 
> For Jade, for always leaving brilliant comments.

Julia paced. Back and forth. Back and forth. The room was dark and slightly chilly, but David didn’t mind. He was more concerned about Julia, she was going to wear a hole in the carpet if she didn’t stop soon, and the pacing wasn’t helping anything. They somehow found themselves alone in an unused room deep in the Houses of Parliament, it seemed a fitting place to hold their own personal crisis talk. 

“Julia just stand still please and tell me what you’re thinking.” 

She glared at him but slowed to a stop. Silence descended again, with nothing but the faint and distant creak of floorboards to break it. In a low, dangerous voice Julia asked, “how did he find out?” 

“I don’t know.” David had been asking the same question. 

“Well someone must have told him.” Something about her tone suggested she thought David had been the one to leak the news. That was the last thing he needed her to think, especially when he was trying to win her back. 

“Aye someone must have, but it certainly wasn’t me. I have no reason to, not when it would ruin us both.” 

A beat. 

David continued tentatively, “maybe it’s not as bad as we think it is?” 

“What?” Julia replied. 

“No listen please Julia,” this was maybe his last chance, he had to take it now, “you know how I feel about you. You know it, even if you don’t feel the same right now. But we could try again, couldn’t we? We could make it better than last time, I promise. We were good together, better than good. I need you... and I think you need me too.” It was a desperate, last-ditch attempt but he couldn’t bring himself to care. If this is what won Julia over, then so be it. 

She stood a few paces in front of him, arms crossed and worrying her bottom lip. She didn’t look overly impressed. David’s heart plummeted, he’d lost her. Maybe he never even had her to begin with. 

Julia was mystified. She was used to men falling over her in one way or another, but sooner rather than later their motivations always became clear. The world seemed to revolve around money and power after all. Even if she had initially wanted more, she wouldn’t go so far as to call those men ‘boyfriends’ or ‘partners’. If anything those relationships ended up being little more than flings. Short and more often than not bitter. Men had used her for her influence her entire professional career, figuring if they could get her into bed then they’d control her. Even her own husband did that. She left them all disappointed. And she’d be left feeling a little more unloved each time, swearing she’d never let another man get that close again. But then along came David. Good, sweet, dorky, troubled David. Telling her he loved her. Begging her to try again. And she wanted to. Oh god she wanted to. But could she trust him again? She had a niggling worry the answer would be ‘no’. Looking back on their time together she couldn’t differentiate the truth from the lies. The fish and chips, their morning under the white sheets, the whispered confessions as they drifted off to sleep, was any of it real? At the time she thought it was. Now she wasn’t quite so sure. Regardless, the truth was Julia was ready to be loved again, properly, without conditions and secrets hanging over head. She was tired of being lonely. But she needed to be sure that loving David was the right thing to do. And she wanted to be entirely convinced that this is what David wanted too. She wasn’t going to get hurt again. Not this time. 

Julia uncrossed her arms and out her hands in her pockets. She strode towards him, covering the distance in seconds. She was almost chest to chest with him now, sharing the same breath. “Show me.” 

“Huh?” 

“If you want to be with me, you have to show me. Quietly and discreetly, but you have to show me,” she spelled it out for him. She gave a small smirk and turned to leave, but not before making sure to gently brush his hair out of his eyes. David caught her just before she reached the door, he grabbed her hand and spun her to face him. He didn’t think, not even once. The last time they kissed he was heartbroken and she was ashamed, this time there was none of that. There was excitement and hope aplenty, but more than anything there was love, even if they were only just now allowing themselves to feel it once more. 

For the first time in a long time, David smiled properly, he let her go then, and watched as she slipped through the heavy door. He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. It was Vicky, though given the time of day, he bet it was the kids wanting to talk to him.  
_____________________________________

Roger was fucking furious. Things did not go according to plan, actually things went in the complete opposite direction to what he planned. And it all came back to Julia. 

He’d stood in Parliament so sure that he was about to make Julia’s career nosedive and hit rock bottom. He stood there in front of all her peers, supporters and adversaries alike, and accused her of gross misconduct, and she just got away with it. She’d laughed at him, said “usually the accusations of infidelity come before the divorce Roger.” Laughs sounded throughout the chamber. One sentence from her and it was enough to discredit him entirely. And then she continued on in a sure, steady voice, knowing all the attention was on her, “But that’s exactly what they are. Accusations. Let me be very clear. Sergeant David Budd and I are in no way involved, romantically or otherwise. He is my former PPO and I am his former principal, that is the extent of our relationship.” Then she paused, almost for dramatic effect, “if the Chief Whip wants to discuss sexual misconduct I would urge him to revisit our grounds for divorce. I’m sure he’ll find plenty to talk about. Although I hope he doesn’t see fit to do so on the Chambers’ time again.” 

She had lied. He knew she had. He had eye witnesses who would swear up and down that Julia and Budd were having an affair. The odds were stacked against her and yet she still came out the victor. But that was Parliament. He could still sway the public. 

He picked up the phone and got through to his contact in the newsroom. News would break tomorrow in the morning news bulletin, maximum viewers for maximum damage.

“Run it. 

Two words and he’d ruined Julia Montague. Roger fought the urge to smile.  
____________________________________

Julia had the afternoon off. The session at Parliament had gone quickly, as had her conversation with David, and upon consulting her diary she was surprised to see no meetings booked. She could work from home and hopefully have everything done before midnight. A rare treat. 

She’d just showered and changed into her comfiest slacks and her favourite jumper when her phone vibrated. It was David, his personal number, not the one he used for work. 

_are you free?_

She hesitated and looked at the clock. Almost 4pm. Julia decided to humour him. _yes_

The three blinking dots appeared on her screen. He was typing back. 

_good. I have a surprise. We’re at the door_

We? 

Just then her doorbell sounded. Walking towards it she could hear giggles and the sound of someone shushing them. 

Ah. ‘We’ made sense now. 

David and Julia had been very careful with how they’d defined their relationship when Julia first met Ella and Charlie. Meeting the small Budds had been unavoidable initially. Between Vicky’s job, no grandparents nearby, and little money for a babysitter, David had to take care of the kids a couple of times a week. Not that he complained, Julia knew how much he loved them, it showed in everything he did. The first time they met was at the Blackwood, on a Thursday evening. David has dropped her off at her room as usual and then made a hasty retreat. He reappeared a short time later, saying he was going to get dinner and asking if she wanted him to pick anything up for her. She’d waited, listening out for his knock on the door. It came eventually, and when she opened the door she found him, arms full with packets of what she assumed was fish and chips. So far so normal. It was what, or rather who, was behind him that caught her by surprise. She knew he had children, loved that he had children, she just never expected to meet them. “Your fish and chips Ma’am,” he said handing over a packet. She watched as he ushered the kids into his room and closed the door. She waited and then heard a soft knock on the connecting door. He stepped in shyly, Ella standing next to him while Charlie stood behind grasping a handful of David’s shirt for comfort. Julia had been told about them both. Ella was like her mother, clever and fiercely protective of Charlie. Charlie was shy and sensitive, anxious around strangers. “Kids, this is Julia. She’s a really good friend of mine. We met at work.” They settled around the coffee table eventually to eat. Dinners like this became a regular feature of their week. The four of them sitting around the coffee table two or three times a week talking about whatever came to mind. They tried a new restaurant every time, scoring them to see how they stacked up against others in the area. It had been the most normal thing Julia had done in years. On that first night after their first dinner together, Ella and Charlie hugged her goodbye. 

She hadn’t realised how much she missed it until now. 

She opened the door and was immediately engulfed in hugs from the two Budd children. Hugging wasn’t something that came naturally to Julia. But over the course of getting to know the Budd children, she’d slowly learned to be more demonstrative with her affections, especially where those two were concerned. This was made easier by the fact that Ella and Charlie were naturally very affectionate. Julia supposed they got it from their father. It didn’t matter that she’d been introduced to them as their fathers’ ‘friend’, they’d greeted her this way almost from the beginning. 

Speaking of their father, she turned to him as she ushered the trio further into her flat, questions already brewing. David leant in and kissed her temple and murmured, “they don’t know we broke up, not that they knew we were together. They just think everything is the same as it was, okay?” 

“Well okay but what are you doing here? Especially after today?” 

“Don’t worry, we were discrete. Snuck in just as the guard was taking a toilet break. Told the kids we were playing a spy game and had to be sneaky. No one saw us. Ella asked when you were going to teach her to bake a cake like you promised. She’s been begging me to come over for weeks. And it’s always nice to see you of course.” 

“Are you using your children to woo me?” It was a half joke, half serious question. 

David considered for a moment. That wasn’t his intention, Ella had been practically on her knees begging him to take them to see Julia. With his lips tucked up in a half smile he said, “I didn’t plan to, but if it’s working I won’t argue.” 

Julia was torn. She wanted to see the kids, truly she did. But she had work to do and given the accusations Roger had thrown at her that morning, she wasn’t sure having them over was the smartest idea. RIPA ‘18 had passed the first round of voting, so she was meant to prepare it all to be sent off for proper scrutiny in the first reading. It was important work that needed to be done. She just didn’t know if she had the time to spend a few hours with the kids tonight. When she answered David’s text she thought maybe he’d call her or they’d talk via text for a while, she had time for that. David must have seen her troubled face because he said, “don’t worry, we’ll make the cake, do the washing up while it cools and have a slice each. We’ll be gone before dinner time. How does that sound?” 

Just then Ella’s voice came from behind her, “Julia we missed you! Daddy said you were very busy, but you had this afternoon free.” 

Julia’s heart melted. Despite what the media like to say about her she wasn’t that cold. And the Budd children did have a special place in her life. “I missed you too,” she said as she tucked a strand of hair behind Ella’s ear, “chocolate cake sound okay to you?”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I’m so sorry it’s been so long since I last updated this fic! Time just ran away from me. I hope you like it 😊
> 
> Thank you to everyone who helped with this chapter!

Julia woke up feeling refreshed. She almost couldn’t remember the last time that had happened. It was early, even for her. She lay in bed for a little while before deciding to get up and use her time somewhat productively. She walked into her bathroom and ran a nice hot bath, a luxury she rarely afforded herself, usually making do with a shower at the end of a long tiring day. While the water was running and the steam was rising, she went out into the kitchen, and boiled the kettle. After making herself a cuppa she collected a pen and some reports that needed to be read over before the working day began. She toyed with the idea of turning the tv on, purely for background noise, but decided that nothing of interest was on, not even the morning news, so she left it. Glancing at her phone once more she noticed a test message, one from David, 

_Morning Beautiful._ Julia smiled softly, he really was taking this whole mission to show her his feelings seriously. 

_Morning. I’m off to have a bath, I’ll talk to you in a bit okay?_

Cup of tea and files in hand she went back into the bathroom and stripped off. She arranged everything neatly on the bath caddy and hopped in gingerly. The water was almost unbearably hot, so she ran a little more cold-water in. Gradually, as she got used to the heat, she relaxed deeper and deeper into the water, until it was around her neck. Her hair, which she had pinned up, was slowly slipping out and the wet tendrils were clinging to her neck, although she didn’t mind too much.

She soaked for a bit before she picked up the files, they needed to be read after all, she didn’t get the chance to do any work last night, not when David and the kids came around. She got only halfway down the first page when her thoughts drifted. She shook herself out of it, she couldn’t waste any more time daydreaming. She got to reading again, making the occasional note here and there, asking questions, changing wording. She made a fair dent in the first report when her thoughts drifted again. David really did go to an effort last night. She remembered telling him once that she never got the chance to feel normal, to do what normal people her age did. She had laughed it off, and they went on to talk about other things, but Julia supposed David must have been listening. He turned up at her door last night and delivered normal. Sighing because she knew no more work would get done when she was like this, Julia packed up her files, and slid back down into the water, rested her head against the rim of the bath, and closed her eyes. Besides, it was better to think about last night now than it was in the middle of parliament later today. 

“Daddy and Charlie like to lick the spoons when we’re finished.” 

Julia and Ella had been working hard in the kitchen and both were covered in flour from head to toe. Turns out making a cake could be very messy business. They’d just taken the cake out of the oven and turned to start making the icing when Ella told her about the boy’s licking the spoons. Julia expected such a thing of Charlie, it was a normal thing to let kids finish off what little was left over. But David? She didn’t know he had a sweet tooth. 

She and Ella let the cake cool and iced it. It was sloping to one side, but they weren’t too worried about it. Ella called in David and Charlie and handed them the spoons they’d used to mix the icing. Charlie enjoyed himself, he managed to get chocolate all over his face and he made sure to tell Ella that she’d done a good job, and can he please have a big slice? David didn’t fare too much better. 

Julia found it a bit of a turn on. 

Making sure the kids were occupied she walked over to him and whispered, “you have a bit...” and gestured to her cheek. 

David stuck his tongue out and tried to lick it away. “Have I got it?” 

“No,” Julia chuckled. 

He tried again. “How ‘bout now?” 

She shook her head and laughed lowly. She reached out and with her thumb wiped the sweet icing off. She licked her thumb clean, she thought nothing of it until she saw that David was watching her intently. 

“Don’t tease,” he whispered, “I know you know how to use that tongue of yours. I’ve felt it.” 

She smirked, and stepped closer, so they were nose to nose and whispered back, “if you’re lucky you might get to feel it again.” She ghosted her lips over his and winked when she pulled back. She could see in his eyes that he was just about to respond with something equally suggestive when Ella interrupted them from the couch. 

“Did you love the cake Daddy?” 

“Oh aye. Almost as much as I love you,” David replied as he nestled himself down on the couch beside Ella and wrapped an arm around her. Julia watched as Ella snuggled in, obviously feeling safe and secure with him. 

“To the moon and back?” 

“Aye. To the moon and back.” 

“And beyond to the stars above,” Ella finished for the both of them.

Julia knew that David loved his kids, that they meant everything to him, but she didn’t know that they had a little saying, not one that encapsulated just what David felt. It felt private, almost too private, like she was intruding on a quiet moment. Julia wasn’t hurt by it, but the moment did make her realise just how far she and David had to go before things would be completely right between them. 

Julia opened her eyes and looked at her hands. They’d long since gone pruney and the water had started to go cold. She stepped out of the bath regretfully, knowing her day would only get harder from here. She dried herself off and wrapped the towel around her body. She grabbed a pot of lotion and walked back into her bedroom. Grabbing her phone, she took note of the time. 6:10. Throwing the phone on the bed, she set about moisturising. She’d just lifted one foot and placed it on the bed when her phone started buzzing frantically. 

_Love?_

_Love have you seen the news?_

_I didn’t say anything I swear._

_I thought you’d sorted it in session yesterday. You said you had the support of the House._

_Love can you answer me please?_

_Julia pick up your phone!_

Julia’s heart plummeted. With a sinking feeling in her stomach she tapped David’s number and brought the phone up the her ear. The dial tone didn’t last long. 

“Julia?” She could hear his voice shake over the line. It was hesitant, and maybe a little scared. 

“What’s happening?” 

“Turn the news on.” 

Julia stomped back into the living room and turned the tv on. There is was, in big, bold letters on a morning news show. 

JULIA MONTAGUE CAUGHT IN STEAMY AFFAIR WITH MARRIED BODYGUARD 

Her worst fear came true. 

Her heart rate sped up and she struggled to breathe. “What do we do?” David’s voice sounded once more. 

“I don’t know.” 

“Do we call someone? You have PR staff don’t you? What about the kids? How will this affect them? They don’t know we’re together. What about Vicky? The press are going to be swarming around her, asking how she feels about my ‘infidelity.’ What about you? Do we go to work today and open ourselves up to that? But if we lie low that’s as good as admitting it. Do we go public? What do you do Julia?” 

Julia’s head spun with all his questions, and the rising sense of panic that was rising in her chest. Her hands felt clammy. She needed to sit down. She needed to pace. She didn’t know what she needed to do actually. 

David was still talking in her ear. “I don’t know David! I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. Just... look don’t call me using your number okay? Use a different phone or something. The press will get a hold of my phone records or something and if they see your number there’ll be hell to pay. I’ll... I’ll sort something out and find a way to let you know. But for the love of god, don’t say anything to anyone.” 

“Okay. Yeah. Can do. I’ll talk to you later okay?” 

“Okay. I’ll let you know what’s going on.” 

She hung up then, and slumped back into the lounge. And just watched. Watched as her reputation and integrity was torn to shreds in less than two minutes.  
______________________________________

Julia didn’t know how long she’d been sitting there when her phone rang. Not long, although the minutes felt like decades. She answered the phone blindly and brought it to her ear. “Hello?” She muttered. 

“Morning Jules. Having a good day so far?” His snide voice set her teeth on edge. 

“You... you jumped up, small cocked, wanker. Couldn’t get the outcome from your display in parliament yesterday so you go to the press? That’s low even for a bottom feeder like you Roger.” 

“I just thought the British public had the right to know that the Home Secretary was screwing her bodyguard while on the clock, on their tax dollars.” 

“Roger-“ 

“Be a good girl won’t you and go quietly? I expect the public will be calling for your resignation by lunch.” He didn’t wait for a reply before he hung up. 

Julia wanted to scream and cry all at once. 

But she didn’t. 

Because if anything, Julia Montague knew how to take control. 

She phoned her PR staff before she even got dressed. Demanded a meeting first thing. Julia knew she couldn’t let the media take control of the story so she needed to act fast. Fast and decisive, with a clear course of action. 

She hoped it would be enough.  
______________________________________

David on the other hand was waiting listlessly, he dressed for work and decided to walk to the nearest tube station. He dropped in and bought some breakfast, although he didn’t feel hungry. 

Travel mug and food in hand he strode down the street, desperately trying to ignore the strangers gawping at him. He dropped by one more shop on his way. It wasn’t much, and it probably wouldn’t help, but he needed to do it anyway. Now seemed like a good time to start showing Julia what she meant to him. It seemed like something she needed to know today. He gave the shop assistant the directions, and slipped a note across the counter. 

It wasn’t a long journey to the Met. He needed to clock in and collect his gear before he collected his principal. Inside he met Kim, who looked at him with raised eyebrows and blown out cheeks as she laid eyes on him. Exhaling a big breath she muttered, “shit morning Skip?” 

“Aye.” 

“Tell me you at least talked to her first? Patched things up you know?” 

“Aye.” 

Kim looked at him proudly, “well that’s good then. You’ll sort out the rest.” Catching sight of his full hands, she said, “what have you got for breakfast then?” 

David met her eyes. “Well that’s the thing Kim. It’s not for me.” Lowering his voice further, “Julia won’t have eaten this morning. She’ll be on the phone or emailing everyone to within an inch of their lives. Can you drop this off for her please?” 

“Yeah, of course,” she cast her eyes around the room, “I’ll uhh make sure Julia knows it’s from you shall I?” 

“Please. Thanks Kim.” 

It wasn’t long after that that David knocked one Penhaligon’s front door. The man himself answered, buttoning up his jacket as he did so. 

Just as they got to the car Roger stopped and looked at David. “Ah Budd. Terribly sorry about all this business. Politicians eh, just can’t trust them to do the right thing, especially not if they’re like Julia. At least this will teach you hmm? Julia might have kept your bed warm but she’s still a cold hearted politician.” 

“I’m sure you’d know all about cold hearted politicians Sir. I have it on good authority you’re best friends with all of them.” Without breaking eye contact, David offered a quick smile and opened the car door. He watched as the muscle in Roger’s jaw tensed, like he was gritting his teeth. David hoped he’d made his point loud and clear. He wouldn’t be going down without a fight. Not this time.  
______________________________________

Julia’s day had been an unmitigated disaster. It was 4 in the afternoon and she had a headache that persisted on throbbing just behind her eyes. And that blasted phone just would not stop ringing. Her only bright spots were her bath and the breakfast David sent with Kim. 

She had a brief moment of calm when she rested her forehead in her palms and closed her eyes. She took a number of deep breaths and tried to clear her head, but that was interrupted by a knock on her door. Julia didn’t move. 

“Yes?” 

“Someone to see you Ma’am,” it was one of the girls from reception. Julia stifled a groan, she’d been talking to, or rather she’d been talked at, all day. 

Julia finally lifted her head and blinked open her eyes. She was met with blazing blue eyes of Vicky Budd. Not for the first time that day a sinking feeling settled in Julia’s belly. 

She stood and extended her hand. Vicky didn’t take it. Retracting her hand awkwardly and tugging on the hem of her jacket she said in as calm a voice as she could manage, “you must be Vicky.” 

Vicky wasn’t interested in exchanging pleasantries. “So it’s true then?” It was not so much a question as it was a statement. “Do you have any idea what you’ve done? I’ve spent all day being followed by the press everywhere I go. The kids school has been surrounded all day. I had other parents asking me all sorts of questions that I couldn’t answer, because I didn’t know what was going on. How could you be so irresponsible? You’re the Home Secretary for Christ’s sake, and this is how you behave? I know Dave has a part in this too. But I just… I don’t understand. He’s got stuff to deal with, this job is the first good thing to happen to him since he got home from Afghanistan. And you’ve ruined it.” 

Not once did Vicky break eye contact with Julia. Her eyes were staring ahead unfalteringly, even if they were slightly glassy, and her voice shook with emotion. “I hope that tumble between the sheets was worth it. But from where I stand, you’ve done nothing but shatter David’s prospects of recovery further, and you’ve scared my kids and put us all in danger. Again. Because the first threat to our lives after the attempt on the kid’s school wasn’t bad enough. You’re just bad luck for our family.” Vicky spoke with a quiet fury that Julia had never witnessed before, and frankly it shook her a bit. It made her question everything. She had been convinced that being with David had been good for both of them. But now she wasn’t so sure, not when faced with consequences of it. 

Julia took a moment to breathe. She hadn’t been berated like that in years. She took a deep breath and said in a halting voice, “Vicky, I can explain.” 

“I’m not interested,” Vicky ground out through gritted teeth, “just keep away from us. Please.” 

She didn’t wait for a reply, instead she stormed off, through the glass door and back towards the lift. Vicky had said her piece and she wasn’t interested in sticking around. 

Julia sat back down again, the weight of her decisions sitting heavily on her shoulders. Gradually, her head found its way back into the palm of her hands. She closed her eyes, and let one or two hot tears escape. But mostly she thought, she thought long and hard about what she was going to do. Vicky has brought up all very good points. Maybe, despite everything, it would just be better, safer, to call it quits with David. It would hurt her to do it, but if it kept him and his family safe, she would do it without a second thought. 

A short while later she registered a soft knock and the sound of shuffling feet. 

“Yes?” 

“Ma’am,” it was the same receptionist as before, “there’s a delivery for you.” 

“Place it on my desk.” 

More sounds of shuffling feet, and a small clunk as whatever it was was placed on her desk. The receptionist left, if the click of the door was anything to go by. Julia raised her head once more and blinked her eyes open, only to be met with a bouquet of flowers. Which seemed like a bit of a piss take given how awful her morning had been. But they were wildflowers, bright and beautiful, the kind someone picks in a field and arranges haphazardly before handing them to someone they love for no reason at all. She searched for a card and found it eventually, nestled in with the daisies. 

There in a familiar script, was a single sentence, 

_Beyond to the stars above._

David was telling her everything she needed to know. He was in this, fully hundred percent committed to trying to find and rekindle the love that used to exist between them. If he could do that, even after what had happened today, then so could she.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos make my day!

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are greatly appreciated!!


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